Spun.

This interaction between last night and today is spinning me pretty hard. I can feel myself on the verge of shutting down again.

Apparently the perception of my wants conflicting with those of my lover is a shut-down cue.

Can't have that.

Need to know that it is ok for me to vice my wants. To have wants even.

* shakes head *

And top it off with removal of communication. That's a tough thing for me to go through, considering how many times it was used as punishment for doing something "wrong" and/or prelude to just being left.

I feel cold.