And more, and more, and more. . .

Therapy today. Was good. We're still going over my history. I'll probably be writing up a history for him so we can get down to business. I talked a little about my psychotic break (we're referring to it just as my "break"). In the process I realised that I still have emotions stacked around being misunderstood, specifically seen only for what I did during the 'break'.

He gave me a bit of homework: I'm to write up a list of triggers I am aware of, and bring it to the next session in two weeks.

I thought he was kidding when he said I was going to have another opportunity to shift how I look at another trigger today. . .

I can be so apt to disregard things as unlikely.

Turns out I have triggers wrapped up in various portions of sharing.

I've been pushing myself into a little box over sharing.

Especially things that I received as gifts, some of which were given as gifts, others were not intended as such.

Goes back to Trina.

Making myself 'be ok' with sharing everything, including things that I have a right to reserve for myself causes me to shrink and tell myself that I don't deserve some things. (anything?)

I end up afraid of being resented because of wanting to reserve some things for me. Especially after talks about how it may not be possible to reserve anything for just within my relationship with Isz (on each of our sides.) And other talks about how it's kind of a waste of a thing if I only want it for myself.

I'm being vague about exactly what happened, because I can't yet resolve a decision on the matter and I really don't want to drag it through the mud.

Yes, yes. This was triggered by a little thing with {I}. I didn't blow up. I actually managed to feel the whole thing out and think on it.

Still, it puts me in a place where I'm not sure it's ok to want anything to my self. Until I resolve this one, I'm going to be triggering more violently in a number of other areas. Fantastic.