Grr. . . really. Why so much shite. . ?

Ok. So, a few things here.

{I} and I have a pattern now where if we are out with another person (in that particular sense), she doesn't show me very much in the way of loving gestures and small consistent touches. It's a thing we've talked about before. And it seems that part of the state has always been an effort to not present the general populace with a thing they might find objectionable (3 people all showing each other affection beyond normal level for friends.)

This gets me feeling like a 3rd wheel, especially when with B, who I have affection for even! Irritating, that.

And the way we previously seemed to come to for resolving this was to have me take the affection I need/want. Doesn't do much to help me feel wanted in these instances. I just end up feeling needy and whiny.
It's especially over-blown by the fact that she doesn't see him nearly as often as me, thus her focus goes more to him. Then we can add in the fact that she is more apt to be touchy with him than she is with me (i.e. when we all wake in the morning, lots of touching him, almost none me.

And then there's the bit about how I'm not D/s with her and he is, which was all cool in the first instance, but when the second session of the night rolled out (far more directly sexual) I began to feel uneasy, noting that she is far more directly aroused by the heavy D/s etc. warm up/play into sex, than by anything not that. Which to appearances says to one of my triggers 'she wants him more than me'

So, yeah. I'm all kinds of irrational right now, and can't work myself out of it, due to too much 'evidence' via all the things I see.

I'm unhappy to be reacting the way I am. And I'm hard pressed to find my way past this one. Or even see the correct ways to resolve.

Also: Accidentally over-hearing her say something about suppressing her sub reaction to me because she reminded herself that she is committed to someone else for that, but then doing it for B. It's difficult for me. For a number of reasons.

damn. I feel a mess.