So, I was talking with {I} and we hit this topic of contention. Again.
I would like to not have to be excluded from all or almost all interactions with her friends. I want to be able to participate sometimes. Like how we first wanted or relationship to manifest.
And, to appearance (at minimum), {I} either doesn't want me to, or thinks it isn't really possible. That I've pretty well killed interaction with almost any of her friends and myself.
Either way, I don't blame her. Even if I don't think the state is quite the shape she seems to.
The thing is, that got me thinking about cost vs return. And how most relationships are based on cost vs return of energy, interaction, and interest ( at least ).
And I noticed that I tend to disable friendships, sabotage them if you will, if I don't see enough return or potential return for the cost involved.
Not that that is terribly unusual.
But then I got wondering: do I regularly cause people to have to pay higher cost than the return they get from me? And if I do, what amount of that is subconsciously intentional?
I think I need more perspective.
I really don't want to keep blundering through friendships, lovers and others.
I want more out of life.
